we be braggin' now...

man, did we call this or what?

(check Dec. 9, 2008  "Certain things are undeniable.."

It's gonna take a long time to erase this legacy...

Today...

today is about the remaking of america. 

today is the day we shed the fearmongers who ran this country into the ground on the idea it is better to be safe than free. today is the day we remove all remnants of the grand plan to establish an empire in a world that doesn't need any more empires. today is the day we stop using our strength to bully the planet into submission. today is the day we show greed and dishonesty and selfishness the door.

don't get us wrong, these same ideas can come right back in tomorrow, but today...

today is a day for hope.

(got your lunch the box lapel pin yet?)

just leave already

seems a shame to waste the first post of 2009 on this fucktard, but hey, his foolishness will probably define the next twenty years. we're glad he's gone. we hope he's plagued by nightmares for the rest of his days, but knowing his simpleton approach to faith and certainty, he'll probably sleep like a baby. 

so, here's to s.i.d.s.*

(*apologies to anyone who doesn't take this joke in the spirit it was delivered. you know who you are)

Last Item...

it seemed like a cheap shot, but like all parting, it can be such sweet sorrow...

..or it can be a tremendously cheap shot.

may 2009 be all you want it to be.

but make sure you have a back up plan.

Certain things are undeniable...

the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. there are dark places in the world. thinking is the greatest enemy of perfection. everything sleeps. animals cannot speak in complete sentences. people live. people die. and the time in between is a mixed bag. breathing is good.

scum continues to float to the top.

Lunch The Box

presents

no bacon 4 u

a review of the undeniable scum that always floats to the top... and why we're taking away their bacon.

here's a guy who needs to have his bacon removed with extreme prejudice... 

this is Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich. he decided he would sell Barrack Obama's recently vacated senate seat. he decided to do this while he was under investigation. he decided to brag about it on a tapped phone. not only did Rod decide to commit  crime, but he was stupid about it to boot.

we imagine the next time Rod sees bacon, he'll be trading buttsecks for it in cell block "d".

The Gift That Keeps On Giving...

well, the holidays are right around the corner and nothing says "merry christmas" like another worthless token of empty headed consumerism. 

nothing says "i care" like a personal gift festooned with personalized images and words.

nothing says "i gave up" like grabbing the first cheesy knick-knack you see, just so you have something to hand to that special someone on christmas morning.

because that's what it's all about, isn't it?

Seriously, it's a legitimate question...

these are hard times, no doubt about that...

and nothing sez  get bent, hard times  like a frivolous purchase of worthless crap. especially when that worthless crap promises to be the ebay money maker of the next century. (and if you can't wait that long, you can get your postage and handling charge back at your next garage sale).

own your historic piece of the 

delicious victory.

Why The Fuck Not?

(click the pic for the full on glory of it all)

In preparation...

tomorrow, being thanksgiving, is a day for breaking out the impressive recipes and trying to make them work with turkey.

it's a tough bit of business. this year we're having a salad with a lovely bacon vinaigrette and for some serious goodness: bacon candy. but we have to say, haven't seen anything like this before

and if  we hadn't already planned on how we were going to make turkey digestible this year, we'd definitely be doing this...

Turbaconducken

and since we're all over the baconfest, check out Bacon Today.

happy thanksgiving, kids. stuff yourselves silly.

The Baconics Academy of Deliciousness...

(click the pic for a complete schooling)

The Three Not-So-Little Pigs...

Once Upon a Time...

There were three not-so-little pigs 

who lived in the bad economy forest 

(formerly known as America) 

and one day they turned on the news

and saw the big bad wolf 

(formerly known as Wall Street) 

getting a big ol' 700 billion dollar handout

from the government.

So, the three not-so-little pigs hopped in their private jets

and flew to Washington DC 

(formerly known as Cow Town)

and sat a big ol' table and looked all sad and said..

Hey, we want money too.

But the government wasn't handing out money that day.

(Especially when the government found out none of the pigs 

were going to be giving up their private jets 

anytime soon as a gesture of good faith)

So the three not-so-little pigs were shit outa luck.

The End.

now, if you're wondering what this has to do with bacon,

remember this: bacon comes from pigs.

bacon is tasty and delicious.

pigs (like the ones pictured above) are greedy assholes 

who fly around in private jets begging for taxpayer money

so they can keep making crappy automobiles.

maybe it's time we got us some bacon from these worthless pigs.

Special orders don't upset us...

okay, this is just silly.

How it works...

lots of folks ask...

"yo, lunch, what's with all the bacon references?" 

well, we've said it before, we'll say it again: bacon is delicious.

politics not so much. politics can leave a bad taste in your mouth. especially these days when the political climate in this country is openly hostile. and without getting into a big long rant about how that happened (we blame faith based wedge issues),  here at baconics we believe bacon can make politics delicious.

and let's face it, it's easier to digest something you enjoy chewing.

click the pic for closer inspection.

this chart shows lunch the box's thought processes on the various political issues of the day. see if you can recognize how thinking about bacon makes these topics easier to stomach.

and remember, no bacon for joe-zo.

(despite the dems letting him keep his)

as far as we're concerned, he remains spam.

special thanks to our buddy baron for the joe-zo logo

It's harsh, but you gotta do what your heart tells ya...

seriously, this lieberman yahoo has got to go.

sign a petition here.

and here.

you can see 10 reasons why he sucks here.

and a delicious bacon dessert recipe that joe "droopy" lieberman can't have here.

Excuses we can live with...

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you who's getting your billions.

I'm eating bacon right now." - Henry "Hank" Paulson

A Fun New Game...

it's gonna be a long couple of months. 

(click the pic to enlarge)

a view from behind...

well, kids, it's a done bit of business. and to tell you the truth, i'm a little confused about how to feel. naturally, i'm overcome with emotion that at least half of amerika pulled its head out of its ass to do the right thing. very hopeful. very changeful.

unfortunately, all of amerika didn't quite manage this great feat. quite a few of these morons kept their heads neatly tucked away. and more than quite a few californians managed to overcome their racial bias so they could indulge their homophobia. truly, a grand bit of dumbfuckery.

so today, while wrestled with the idea of how great this country could be, the dark side of my nature spent the time gnawing at the old bone of discontent. i wanted to be hopeful and look to the future that i only dared dream about 20 months ago, but i kept stumbling over the realization that that future was to be shared with a great many god fearing "real" amerikans who needed to be reminded on a daily basis that religion and politics were never meant to mix. and until they actually come to an understanding of this, we will never be free of the demagoguery of faith based zealots.

plus, i was out of bacon, so i had to have a lettuce and tomato sandwich for lunch. so much for a brave new world.

Political Love Graphics

Hey, kids, Lunch The Box here...

Well, it's almost over. 

tomorrow the fun ends and the real problem begins. the longest election season in the history of this country's democracy comes to a close. even undecided voters have to pull their reluctant heads out of their saggy asses, drag themselves down to the polling place and apply pedal to metal, so we can start sorting this mess out. and don't fool yourselves, kids, it will be a mess. besides the usual whining and complaining, there'll be a whole lotta voter fraud accusations. if it's close, there will be legal action. if it's not close, it may just be simple outraged violence. here at baconics, we're optimistic a remedy will present itself. we're just not too hopeful of it healing properties. there are a lot of angry people out there. and if things don't start going their way soon..

well, it could get super interesting super fast. really, just super.

but for now, we only have one last shot. over the weekend the mccain people sent out a simple chart to help people compare the two candidates and where they stand on the issues. it was simply, easy to read, and entirely lopsided. we took a few moments to make corrections and sent it out again. it won't really change anybody's mind...

..but neither did the original.

A couple of scary bits...

a couple of frightening things have come out of this election (sidebars, of course, to the one large scary thing that could come out of this election)...

• sarah palin being hailed as "the new ronald reagan" (which basically implies she's an old dead cowboy who can't remember where she parked her horse)
• the 2012 campaign begins nov. 5th
  

seriously, 20 months of presidential campaigning sucked. but 48 months? that's gonna suck and blow at the same time and we all know what happens then...

...that's right, the world will collapse on itself. 

politics never goes away. it is a tasty aspect of life (especially if you think about bacon every time some moron tosses his political concerns/fears/bleetings on the fire) that can add unwanted inches to the waist and unnecessary fat around the brain. and while campaigning never seems to stop, we, the people, are well within our rights to ignore it. and since we can't count on our elected officials to exercise good judgement and restraint, maybe it' s time the electorate turned it's back on the endless parade of lifeless packaging we call "elections". 

at least until the last couple of months, when everything turns vicious and ugly. then maybe, we can sneak a peek.

everybody knows, america loves a train wreck.

update: speaking of scary bits, check out this chunk of crazy from texas: 23% of voters polled in texas are convinced barrack obama is a muslim. proof once again that no matter what the truth is, people can ignore it.

It's letter time...

(click pic for the full monty)

there are some guys you just hope go to jail.

Ted Stevens is one of those guys.

so long, ted, don't let the door bang you in the ass on your way out.